What I Don’t Remember – Part 2

 

 

 

 

About 4 years ago, I responded to a meme (remember when everyone did those!) that was based on an exercise by the writer Natalie Goldberg. The exercise is to try to think of things you can’t remember. Maybe it’s an event, or specific details – it doesn’t matter. I remember thinking how strange it was to recall something you couldn’t remember, but I was fascinated by how the memories slipped and slid through my brain, like an eel in water.  I reread that blog from 2008 and decided it was time to revisit this activity. I won’t “tag” anyone to do it, but if you should find it appealing, I’d love to hear or read what you discovered.

1. I don’t remember most of the stay in the hospital when I had e-coli. Certainly a sizeable portion of this has been blocked because it was a pretty traumatic memory, but you’d think I could recall how long I stayed (I know it was more than 24 hours, but I don’t remember when they let me go home), or maybe if I had visitors (I know my husband was in and out, but I don’t remember anyone else).

2. I don’t remember most of my first trip to Disneyland. I was 9 – certainly old enough to record memories in detail of the “happiest place on earth”  – but other than the “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” submarine (which I think is gone now), and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride,  I don’t remember anything about the visit.

3. I don’t remember the sound of my Aunt Mary’s voice. She was sister to my dad’s mother. Though she was an older woman, she must have had some type of developmental disability which back in the 1920s they didn’t have any diagnosis for other than “slow.” She didn’t speak much, but she did speak with a southern drawl and slow pace, as though each word were gold she was reluctant to spend. I have no memory of how she sounded, though, and because voice is so much a part of character, I feel I’ve lost a great deal of who she was.

4. I don’t remember the first dog I owned.  We didn’t own her long. She was a puppy, some sort of Spanial mix, although I don’t recall her coloring or how she looked. We had only owned her a few months when she escaped the house and was hit by a car in which I was passenger.  I remember the trauma of that, the frightened, pain-filled yelp she let out. But a kind neighbor retrieved her before we could see what had happened, and her image is lost to me.

5. I don’t remember most of 1986, and sadly, the parts I remember are not good.

6. I don’t remember the smell of my grandmother’s perfume. I remember her spritzing it on before church on sunday morning, her navy blue poly-blend dress covered in it. The muted smell of cigarette smoke caught in its fibers and blended with the cologne, but the scent that she sprayed from the pretty glass bottle doesn’t exist in my memory banks anymore.

7. I don’t remember the true name of the wonderful tropical fruit I ate on the island of St. Kitts. They called is “sour sot” or something similar. I recall the outside of the fruit being lumpy, but not what color it was. The inside was pale, like a banana. It was fleshy, and it tasted like a banana crossed with a mild citrus.

8. I don’t remember the name of the youth hostel I stayed in when I was in England. I remember it being cramped, and hot, and filled with people from all over the world with whom I drank warm pints at the pub next door. I’ve looked for it, but either it no longer exists, or even having seen the name, I can’t recall what it is.

9. I don’t remember 90% of my undergraduate instructors. The 10% I do remember were completely amazing, and a few of them I am still in contact with.

10. I don’t remember the first time I went skiing. Put this under the traumatic experiences header, but by the time I got home I swore I’d never go again – and yet I did. I still dislike skiing – I suck. I’m afraid of falling and I’ll do anything I can not to.

So as a writer, what does this mean? I think sometimes we want to include absolutely every sensory detail we can, but the truth is, there are moments in which most – if not all – of those pieces of information are unimportant or are lost. Sometimes we don’t need a character to remember the finite detail, because most human beings wouldn’t be able to do that. We all have these holes in the axons and dendrites that create our memories inside our brains (unless you’re some kind of savant with total recall). 

 The experts say that smell is most directly tied to memory, yet even that doesn’t always hold true. Approach characters and their memories realistically. One of the most important concepts I ever learned in writing was the Japanese ideal of yohaku-no-bi  - the value of the empty space, or what isn’t there.  Sometimes, that’s just as important, or even more so, than the precise detail we think of as so important.

2012
01/17
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Paying it Forward

It isn’t a new concept. The movie with Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt came out in 2000, so we’ve all heard the phrase, and we’ve probably all thought it was a great concept – but how does one pay it forward? Well, I can’t address this for everyone, so let me speak to it from my own experience as it relates to writing.

The first big writing conference I ever attended was the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators summer conference in Los Angeles, CA. in 1996. I had been writing and submitting for years, but was getting nowhere. I’d had some success writing nonfiction on the internet search site CitySearch, but my stories were stuck.  I’d been suckered by a vanity press, and I’d almost decided to give up when I learned about the organization, met the Regional Advisor, and began attending workshops. It was through this organization I came to know my first mentor, and very dear friend, Carol Lynch Williams. At that point, she had something like 15 books published, and to me, she was a goddess of children’s writing.

At the conference, Carol and I discovered a mutual quirky sense of humor, and a sincere desire to become more effective and successful writers. Carol invited me to attend a writing group in her home, and we became fast friends.  During the conference, I was able to hear from writers such as Bruce Coville, Jane Yolen, and E.L. Konigsburg: some of the biggest names in children’s literature in the past 20+ years!

Each of these speakers was eloquent, helpful, and very generous in giving advice and time to those of us who were new. In a fortunate turn of circumstances, I was actually seated with Ms. Yolen alone for about 20 minutes and was able to talk with her uninterrupted. Her kindness, warmth, and patience with what I know now and  acknowledge were stupid questions was certainly beyond the call of duty, but she was tolerant beyond measure with me. Later, when she spoke at another even I attended, I learned why. Ms. Yolen has long-held the belief that paying it forward is the only proper way to conduct yourself.  You can’t pay back those who’ve helped you. What could I possible teach to a woman who’s won more literary awards than I have fingers and toes to count them on? So this became my mission: as I learned, I shared. As I progressed, I helped to bring someone else along, too. Carol mentored me, and we continue to stay in touch even today. I began to mentor others through classes, writing groups, and individually.

But there are downfalls to doing this. There are those who don’t really want to learn. What they want is for you to give them the shortcut to success. They want the name of your agent, your publisher, and a good word from you to guarantee that their work will make it to publication with the effort and time that everyone else has put in.  There are those, too, who don’t really want your comments, your feedback, or your help. They want you to tell them how outstanding their work already is, even if it violates every law of grammar, punctuation, and acceptable standards for the genre in which they are writing. I’ve been asked for help by would-be writers, only to have them turn around and call me names and insult me. I’ve had them ask for my input, and because they didn’t like what I said, they’ve publicly flogged me through email, on blogs, and to others in the writing community.

But I’ve had some very positive experiences, too. Several writers who are former students of mine have gone on to become very successful writers themselves. Anne Bowen and Becky Hall are both former students and now friends who have been multiply published – and not because of me. Because they are hardworking and committed writers, and I was just in the right place at the right time to provide some encouragement and some insight.  My wonderful friend and writing partner Jared Anderson is on the brink of success – so close we can both taste it. I’ve worked with him for a few years as a mentor, but now more as a co-writer and friend. When he achieves success – and it is inevitable because he is so good – it won’t be because of me. It will be because he listened and applied what he learned, and he improve his craft. But I can take great pride in having offered just a little help to each of these writers, and they in turn are paying it forward to others.

This is how writing improves, excellent books get written, and new writers are encouraged to bring their voices out into the open. I have long practiced, and long believed in the power of paying it forward, and I hope that those whom I’ve touched, whether they are writers or not, will see the value to themselves in doing the same.  PIF on, my friends!

2012
01/09
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Resolution Time

It’s that time of year again – time to make my New Year’s resolutions. The only resolutions I make anymore relate to writing, and for the last 5 years, I’ve shared them here.

Before I go into this year’s commitments, here is a review of last year’s and how I did.

1) I will secure an agent.  Well, sadly, I’ve been rejected by several (dozen) agents, but I haven’t found one yet. But I’m optimistic that I will find one soon.  The market is still a screwy place, but I have a sense things are changing; slowly, but surely.

2) I will finish “Project Evil Heart” This one I can check off the list! Jared and I finished this project, now named “Gallery of Dolls” in the nick of time. We are working on revisions and will have this one ready to submit very soon. We had such a good time doing this that we’ve decided to collaborate on another project in the future. We are working on individual projects right now, but by this summer, we hope to be ruthlessly killing more characters off.

3) I will finish my YA novel entitled “The Complete Guide to What I Should Have Known” I turned my attention to another book which was started quite a while ago. “The Afterward” is a speculative fiction for YA readers that takes place at the beginning of the second Civil War in America.  I finished it, revised it, and it is currently collecting rejection letters.

4) I will sell at least one book. Oddly enough, despite having absolutely no control over this, it happened! “The Deepest Blue” was initially rejected by my publisher, but a year and a half later, the story stuck with her and she bought it on December 1! At the same time, she announced plans to reissue my first novel, “My Brother the Dog”, with a new title (Kiss, Kiss, Bark), a new cover, and in hardback instead of paperback!

So what are this year’s goals?

1) I will finish the YA novel currently entitled “Death Kiss” and start submitting it by this summer.

2) I will start working on the collaborative projet with Jared (assuming he finishes his other one!) and have it completed by the end of the year.

3) I will continue trying to get an agent. Of course, having sold all my books without an agent, I sometimes wonder if I really need this. Then I read about an overseas deal or movie rights negotiated by an agent and I realize that this is the right course for me.

4) Continue learning and polishing my craft. I plan to attend a variety of workshops and conferences this year, learning more about the industry and about my chosen career.

These are my objectives, publicly posted so that I will be accountable for them. So much depends on outside forces – like whether or not the world is going to end (tee-hee), but I believe that dedication, perseverance, concentrated energy, and prayer will help me to achieve the results I want. I have the support of family and amazing friends, so realistically, everything is in my favor. I look forward to letting you know how things unfold this coming year.

Happy New Year, and keep writing!

 

2011
12/27
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The Most Wonderful (??) Time of the Year

 

It’s that time of year. And yes . . . I’m one of those.

The month of December is a difficult one for me. I won’t get into boring details and personal information, but suffice to say that I struggle with the holidays for the usual reasons, and for some that are not so usual. I try not to be grouchy, and I actually love giving gifts to people (but I love that all year, and the more I can make someone smile, the better!). I find a great present for someone and I can barely contain my excitement – it’s hard for me not to rush up and tell them what I got!

But there are aspects to the season that make it difficult to sustain that excitement for more than brief periods of time. It has been this way for several years, and even back in my teens and 20s, I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. This year has been particularly grueling, and without rehashing the drama of 2011, let me simply say I will be happy to throw this whole 12 months away (minus a few bright spots), wipe the slate clean, and start over in the new year.

Over the years, I’ve developed a way of coping through the nastiness, and this year I’m employing even more tricks to help me function. If they might be helpful to you – feel free to steal! The first trick is that I try to focus my attention on other people. I have lots of easy options for this one. A dear friend is going through chemotherapy, my oldest daughter is contending with her first Christmas as a wife and mother, another friend would like to use my home to get married in on New Year’s Day, and my 22-year-old niece is expecting a baby this April and has chosen to go forward without the baby’s dad. There are many opportunities for me to “get outside my head” as my friend Jared is so fond of saying. This helps me focus my energy in positive ways rather than allowing my brain to wallow in emotions that are not helpful and further killing the joy of the season.

Another trick for me is to keep busy. That’s a lot easier when I am employed full-time, but I’m making do for now with little projects around the house, baking for neighbors, and of course writing. Gallery of Dolls, the novel I coauthored with my friend/writing partner Jared, is undergoing revisions right now (and they are almost done J~!), along with a new YA novel called Death Kiss that I’m well invested in. On top of that, I write a sort of electronic journal each night that recaps my day, expresses my emotions, and helps me sort through issues I’m working on.

The thing I find about writing at this time of year is that it is much easier for me to get lost in my alternate universes because I so desperately want the escape. I find I think about my writing more when I’m away from it, and I immerse myself more fully into the time and place because my head wants to be anywhere but dealing with lines at Wal-Mart or trying to figure out how to fit all the kid activities into the schedule (holiday concerts, lessons, Christmas plays, etc.). 

 Writing is a mental health break for me all year, but during December, it is literally my sanity saving device. Interestingly, it’s when I do some of my best writing as well. The Deepest Blue, the novel my publisher just bought, was started during the month of December a few years ago.  It was, of course, written over many months, but the opening chapters were some of the strongest when I went back to do revisions.

My doctor has suggested that I take extra vitamin D6 to help me with the winter blahs, and she even suggested I buy a tanning pass for days when the valley experiences an inversion. For those of you unfamiliar with Salt Lake City weather patterns, the Salt Lake valley sits in a bowl between two sets of mountains.  Occasionally, cold air gets trapped in the bowl beneath a layer of warm air and the valley looks like it is a bowl of oatmeal. It can get so bad that they will warn people with respiratory problems to stay inside! These inversions can last for a day, or up to weeks at a time. Mental health experts will advise people to drive up into the mountains so they can see the sunshine! The tanning beds are a good alternative to driving up the canyons – which can sometimes be impossible if you don’t have a 4-wheel drive vehicle (or even if you do, depending on snow levels!)

The best news about December is that, like all the months of the year, it eventually comes to an end and we all move forward. Despite my Bah Humbug attitude (which it really isn’t), I wish for each of you a joyous and healthy holiday season, and many blessings in the New Year!

2011
12/19
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Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!

Last week, I received good news X2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me begin by saying that, while I am not “religious” in the context of going to a specific church and identifying with a specific religion, I am none-the-less a very spiritual person. I pray. A lot. One of the things I have prayed for over the last few months is that I would sell a book this year (meaning 2012). I’m currently shopping around a dystopic Young Adult novel called The Afterward that I wrote this past year.  A few months ago, the editor of my first book said she would look at it and give me feedback.  I waited patiently (well, mostly patiently) until last week when she called me. Sadly, I missed her call, but saw her number on caller ID one morning, and I immediately called her back.  She started by saying, “I have a little bad news for you.”

I’m a veteran of this business, and I wasn’t surprised to hear this, so I braced myself for what came next.

“But I have some good news, too,” she said.

Eh? Well, that threw me. I knew she had been considering re-releasing my first novel, so I was hopeful that this was what she was referring to. The bad news, as I expected, was that she wasn’t going to go with the manuscript I’d sent her. The blow of that was softened knowing that there was some sort of good news yet to come.

“I’ve decided to rerelease My Brother the Dog next year. It will have a new cover, a new title, and it will be issued in hardback instead of paperback.”

Color me surprised – and ecstatic!

That news was enough to make me feel as though I was levitating! I love that little book, and now it will have a second chance at success. The new title, Kiss, Kiss, Bark is geared to the target market of 9-14 year olds, and almost everyone who hears it has to giggle at it!

“I have a question for you,” she continued. “I’m wondering about The Deepest Blue. Have you sold it? Is it under contract somewhere?”

I paused, trying to shift my line of thinking. “It’s in a file on my computer,” I said. Interestingly, I had had a dream about this very manuscript just a week before. This particular manuscript is very near to my heart. I shopped it around about 2 years ago, but the market wouldn’t support the book at that time.

“I’ve been reading a lot of manuscripts with male protagonists that remind me of The Deepest Blue, but each time I finished, I’d say ‘It’s not as good as The Deepest Blue’ so I’d like to offer you a contract on it, if that’s okay.”

If that’s okay? WHAT? Um – yeah, that’s about as okay as it gets in this business! “Yes, of course,” I said very professionally. Then, because I feel more like a friend with this lady than a client, I said, “I am so excited to work with you again!” I think I may even have squealed a little. But it is true. This woman is amazing, and the chance to work with her on 2 projects at once is a thrilling and delightful concept.

The dates and specific details are still tentative, but it looks as if the Kiss, Kiss, Bark will come out in the fall of 2012, and The Deepest Blue will come out a year later. After doing a continual round of the happy dance, I have finally settled down to get thing in order so I’ll be ready to start revisions in January when she gives me her feedback.

(Christmas gift spoiler alert for Jared! Don’t read this if you don’t wanna see what one of your gifts is!) I recently came across a bracelet with a small charm on it that has the initials “TYJ” – it stands for “Trust Your Journey.” It isn’t fancy, but it expresses an idea that I hold very closely to. When you believe in your path, your journey provides for you.

So was this good news just a coincidence? I don’t think so. Was it a stroke of luck? Nope. It was a combination of hard work, perseverance, dedication, prayer, patience, and trust. It was a touch of the divine, for which I am grateful, and it was a lot of effort on my part, to which I am committed. However you choose to look at it, it is what is making my December (a month I typically dislike a lot) not only bearable, but right now, downright enjoyable!

2011
12/06
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A Brief Rant

I’m probably going to irritate a few people again – but hey, everybody’s got to have a hobby, right?

This topic keeps coming up, coming up, and coming up and I haven’t really said anything about it for a while, but I need to vent my spleen a bit.

Self publishing.

Let me start by saying I think there are limited reasons to do it, and it can be a worthwhile endeavor. If Grandma Essie wants to record her life story for posterity, then printing a few dozen copies for the kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, and the occasional neighbor is not a bad way to go.

If Winona Writer wants to get her cutting-edge, dystopic, romance knock-off of Robin Hood published, but she isn’t willing to work hard at becoming a better writer, going through the traditional process, that doesn’t mean self-publishing is her better alternative. But this is what seems to be happening these days. Pretty much if you know how to use a word processing program and you have access to the internet, you can sling about anything onto a page (or into a file, as the case may be), pay a few dollars (or a few hundred, or a few thousand) and – VOILA! – you’re a writer!

Here’s the problem with this scenario: quality. I’ve recently had the – well, pleasure isn’t the word I’d use – let’s go with opportunity, to read several self-published works. Some were just bits and pieces, others were entire books given to me (I wouldn’t pay for this stuff – and trust me, you shouldn’t either). Some were local writers, some were writers whom I have no idea where they hail from. But they share one very crucial element in common: every single one of them would have benefitted by the advice of a half-decent editor. And herein lies the problem with self publishing. There are no editors to critique and help polish the work when a writer chooses self publishing. There is no one there to point out grammatical errors, to identify character inconsistencies, to suggest alternatives to redundant passages, or to frankly point out the plot holes.

In all of the pieces I read, at least two of these issues – and more in many cases – existed in the stories.  In one particular case, the writer indicated that his/her critique group had helped immensely with the manuscript. Upon further investigation, it turns out that the other group members are also self published, and either didn’t think to look for some of these issues, or didn’t know to look for them.  But even the sharpest critique group won’t be able to address many of the elements that a true, professional editor can – such as emerging trends or changes in publishing industry standards. Here’s a real-life “for instance” on that: a manuscript of mine that is currently sitting dormant was reviewed by my editor. While she loved the story and the concept, she indicated to me that the market was too soft for that type of story. She offered some suggestions for changes, but at the time I wasn’t willing to make them (that’s another whole story for another blog).  My critique group read the same novel and said they thought it was ready to go and it would have no trouble finding a home.

Now, if I wanted to, I could take that book and self publish it. All the self-publishing companies tout how much more money you can make than with a traditional publisher, and especially if there is an agent involved. However, self-published writers quickly discover that they are on their own for marketing and distribution. They have to become the sales staff, the marketing department, the PR department, the warehouse and distribution center, and all of this (with limited exception) is on the writer’s credit card.

On the flip side – I attended Book Expo America in Washington, D.C. when my novel came out.  I didn’t have to pay a dime to be there. I went to school visits and book signings in Ashville, North Carolina and all I paid for was one dinner and my rental car. I’ve done dozens of local book signings, I’ve done radio, newspaper, and internet interviews and I never had to make one phone call to set any of them up – they all came to me, and most of them came by way of my publisher. Yes – I do things to promote my books.  I have my own website, I keep my blog going, I talk about my books whenever possible, but it isn’t my full-time job.  I actually know one writer whose entire car is a mobile billboard for the book he/she wrote. It cost thousands of dollars to have that done, too.

Of the self-published work I’ve read recently, not one piece held my interest past the first few paragraphs. In the case of one book, I kept laughing out loud, even though the book itself was deadly serious. I am certain there are well-written self-published books out there, but the truth is, I have yet to see one.

I’m sure there are at least a few people who will point to my publishing history and say that if I had considered self publishing, I’d have a few more books out. I look at it this way – publishing is a matter of getting the right book in the right hands at the right time. Things will line up again, and sooner rather than later, so I have no reason to consider anything but the traditional route that I’ve taken before. It’s worth it to me to wait for the right set of circumstances to be assured that I’m going to have a quality product that is handled with professionalism.

That is all.

2011
11/29
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If Agents Told the Truth

I’ve been collecting rejection letters again.

It doesn’t matter how long you do this job, no one likes rejections, and no one likes to feel that their work has been ignored. It’s a crushing feeling; enough to make many writers either give up or turn to self-publishing. Neither of these are viable options for me, so I guess I just have to deal with it. 

I’m getting three distinct types of rejections: those where someone actually read my query, those where they maybe read it and maybe didn’t, and those where it is clear to me that my query was completely ignored.  The letters are all kindly (for the most part) worded, but they sting none the less. So, as a means of dealing with this constant state of negativity, I’m going to have a little fun at the expense of the agents who are rejecting me. This is only meant in humor, and I want to stress that I’m simply venting here. Please don’t take any of this too seriously! 

With that caveat out of the way, here is what I think agents would write if they were telling the truth.

The “I actually did read your query” rejection:

Dear Author,

I have read your query and all I can say is, “Wow.” Seriously? You thought this would make a good story? Better yet, you thought I’d be willing to have my name associated with it? Are you kidding me? I’m sorry, but not only is this not right for my agency, it’s not right for anybody! A bit of advice: don’t quit your day job. If you don’t have a day job, find one – fast. You will be better offer saying “Do you want fries with that,” than killing any more trees by printing off your stuff on paper.

Sincerely,

Agent

The “Maybe I read it, maybe I didn’t” rejection letter:

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting whatever it was you submitted to me. I have a sort of vague idea of what you were trying to convey, I think. So here’s the thing: I’ve already go so much on my desk that I don’t even remember to go to the bathroom some days, and I just can’t imagine adding any more to the pile right now. It’s great you want to be a writer, and you might even be a good one, but I don’t really know. Good luck with this and take comforting in knowing that when you become a big name, I won’t remember who you are.

Sincerely,

Agent

The “Clearly didn’t read your query letter” rejection:

Dear Author,

After 15 seconds of careful consideration of your email, I am rejecting you. Don’t take it personally. I really need to clean out that email account, and you just got caught up in the purging. You see, I’m the low guy on the totem pole at this agency, and if I don’t get a vibe that you’re the next J.K. Rowling, the next Stephen King, etc., then you really don’t stand a chance. But hey, 15 seconds is more than I give most submissions, so you should count yourself as lucky. Have a great day and don’t let this even be a second thought!

All best,

Agent

A little venting is a good thing now and then!

Back to writing!

2011
11/10
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Revisiting

I’m reposting something I wrote almost exactly 4 years ago today. It’s interesting to me because I’ve experienced some of these same issues recently, and while somethings have improved from then, some things are the same, and there is a valuable lesson in this. I’ve added a few comments at the end to bring things up to date. Enjoy!

It’s been a grueling month, one which I hope not to repeat any time in the near future.  Unfortunately, the remaining two months of the year are looking mighty similar to what I’ve just been through.  It’s frustrating.  I’m not writing enough.

I can always tell when I haven’t spent enough time working on stories.  I feel off-balance, as if part of me is weighted down and unable to move with the fluidity and speed I need to have.  Sluggish, that’s the term for it.  Like I’m dragging, or grinding gears.

It’s not that I lack the desire, or the discipline.  I lack the time.  In a recent heated discussion with my significant other, he suggested what I needed was better time management.  I retaliated that what I needed was a little more understanding from him about what I value in my life.  Then I sat down and produced for him a schedule of exactly how well-managed my time is.  I calculated the number of hours I spend in the classroom teaching (33 hours per week), the amount of time I spend preparing, grading, and reviewing for class (15 – 20 hours, except at finals when it doubles), the time I drive kids to and from activities (5 hours), the time I give to my writing (10 hours a week on a good week, far less than I need) and the time I take to spend time with him (5 hours a week – again, not enough). 

Fully 1/3 of my week is devoted to work.  Before I continue, I want to clarify that my teaching is just a job.  My writing is my passion, it just – unfortunately – doesn’t yet pay the bills. Thus my dilemma, and my recent complaints leading to the heated discussion.  Trying to remember that it is “just a job” is often difficult because I approach everything I do with commitment and dedication.  Even my first marriage, despite what my ex-husband might say, I went into with whole-hearted belief and dedication. But that’s another story for another time.

The problem is that, once again, I find my life in conflict between what I do and what I love.  Now, lest my students read this and somehow think I don’t like them anymore – let me state for the record: I like teaching, I love my students, and I enjoy what I do.  For a job, it’s not a bad way to go.  I appreciate that I am paid well for what I do, and I have always liked being in an academic environment.

But I am a writer, not a teacher.  Writing nourishes me in a way that nothing else can.  I don’t want to say that “I live for writing,” because I don’t.  I live for all the varied, interesting things I  have in my life.  But writing is a vital organ.  It is a necessary part of who I am.

I did get a bit of encouragement and understanding from, of all places, my mother-in-law.  Save the jokes – I absolutely adore this woman.  We just celebrated her 83rd birthday a few weeks ago, and this lady hasn’t missed a step.

I was helping her with a mouse problem.  I was setting traps and cleaning cupboards, bemoaning my situation when she put some things into perspective for me.

“It doesn’t matter what you choose to do,” she said. “There will never be enough time for everything and if you start worrying about, you’ll spend more time worrying than actually doing.”

She went on to tell me about when she switched careers at age 48, “just as a temporary situation.” My father in law was struggling to earn enough to support the family (he was 50, mind you) and she went from a part-time accounting job to a full-time accounting and human resources job for a local property development company.  It was just supposed to tie them over for a little while.  She stayed almost 30 years. She retired at 73.

Her point to me was that life will never give you exactly what you want, and if you spend all your time worrying about it, you’ll waste what precious time you have.  “Do what you need first, do what you want second, and don’t waste time on the rest of it.”

She’s a sharp cookie, that one.  And I hope she lives to be 120.  At the rate she’s going, she might do just that.  And I hope I live to be old enough to be there with her.

I applied her advice, stopped worrying about how much time I didn’t have and focused on the time I did have.  I got 2 hours of quality writing on a new novel done. It’s still not as much time as I would like ideally, but it’s better than thinking I didn’t have enough time at all. I wrote faster, too, because I wasn’t worried about the other things I should be doing.  For too long, now, I’ve treated my writing time as though it were an intrusion into other things.  I kept fussing about how it was important to me, but I hadn’t really given that time the priority it needed.  Attitude adjustment.  Long overdue.

I look forward to greater productivity from hence forth.

We celebrated my mother-in-law’s 87th birthday last week. She is still as supportive, as loving, and as feisty as ever! She has written “her story” as she calls it – not a book, but a record of her life, her family members, significant events in her life. She inspires me on a regular basis.

I finished the novel I was working on, The Deepest Blue, but it sadly has yet to find a home. It’s waiting for the publishing market to turn around just a little. But I have finished two other books since then. The Afterward is out circulating and collecting rejections. It is a young adult novel of speculative fiction. Gallery of Dolls is an adult horror/suspense that my best friend Jared and I coauthored. I’m currently working on another YA novel with the working title Death Kiss.

I still struggle to make writing a priority, but I’ve made significant progress with that. And my significant other and I have reached a peaceful understanding of the role of writing in my life. He is very supportive of me, and more importantly, he believes in me because he’s seen me achieve success before with My Brother the Dog and the Hey, Ranger books and he wants me to have it again.

It is interesting how these issues circulate in our lives, but it is also important to notice that, despite their recurring presence, we keep coming at them with conviction and dedication. We don’t give up or give in. That’s ultimately, to me, what success is – staying strong and not giving up the fight for what we believe in and what we want.

2011
10/31
CATEGORY
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children's writing
creativity
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writing
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Nasty Habits

There are many nasty habits in the world . . .

. . . I am guilty of one – but I couldn’t find a picture for it.  I call it “justified procrastination.”

Everyone I know leads a busy life. Not once have I heard one of my friends or family members say, “You know, I really just don’t have enough to do, and I’m very frequently bored.” Even with my unemployment woes of the past six months, I have kept myself entertained and active with a variety of projects, activities, job hunting, writing, babysitting, and more. But recently, I’ve found that I’m falling into an old, nasty habit – justified procrastination. Let me explain.

JP happens when there is something you know you need to do, but you easily justify putting it off to another time.  For example, I knew last week I needed to get a new chapter written in my YA novel because of my upcoming critique group session. There were a few times I actually did sit down and work on it, but then I managed to find other projects that need immediate attention. I justified switching to these diversions by saying, “Well, if I don’t work on it right now, I can work on it tonight. Or if not tonight, I have all day tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, there is the weekend.” Effectively, what I’ve done is to create the illusion of having a lot of time available to me, and then filling that time with other tasks and activities because - well – I have so much time! Then I discover that it is Sunday night, I’ve only written three pages of an entire chapter, and critique group is tomorrow.

I will say this – my house is clean, my laundry is done, I’ve read a great deal, I’ve applied for a bazillion jobs, and I’m a very productive little bee. I just haven’t written as much as I should.

My darling writing partner does this, too (sorry J – calling you out!). He has taught me to add new kinds of justification to my bad habit, such as saying that, “When I find a job, I’ll have a better routine, and then I can be more productive at writing.” The fact is – and we both know it! – we need to build the routine first, then we can adapt it later.

I have to say that I am astounded at myself. NEVER in my life has laundry been more important than anything, and especially not my writing! This procrastinating thing has become a sort of mental illness with me. When I believe that taking out a half-full garbage bag is more urgent than writing, something must be terribly wrong! I’ve gone through cycles of putting-off-writing before, and I know what the end result is: it isn’t good.

So officially – I am breaking the habit starting today. I am dedicating a minimum of 30 minutes a day to writing. I will not go to bed until it is done. I will take my computer with me to bed if I have to in order to accommodate that. If all I manage to do is write those 30 minutes a day, I would have 3 1/2 hours by the end of the week.  I can make a lot of progress in that much time. But I know for a fact that writing is as much a habit as anything else, and once I start back into a system for doing it, I won’t be satisfied with stopping at 3 1/2 hours a week. This novel (currently titled Death Kiss) will be finished by the end of the year, and it will be ready for critique sessions throughout the process. Yes, I’ve slipped, so it’s time to get back up and move forward again.

No more justification – it’s just time to get it moving in the right direction again.

2011
10/24
CATEGORY
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The Craft of Writing
writing
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12 comments

Word Nerd

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, my name is Kim, and I’m a word-aholic.

I fell in love with words at a young age. It began – as it always does – just as innocent fun. When all my classmates were out on the playground for recess, I would sneak into the library and look through the big dictionary. I thought it was totally cool that this one book had a pedestal; its own private stand.

Soon, I was coercing my friends into going with me. “Are you chicken?” I’d say. We would play the “dictionary game” – each of us closing our eyes and randomly flipping through the flimsy pages, stopping when the energy felt right. Then everyone else would pick the hardest word on the page. You had to memorize the word, its spelling, its meaning – you had to know the word.

Of course, we got caught and usually were ushered out of the library for a turn on the swings or the monkey bars. We would lurk on the edges of the playground, sulking and scowling at anyone who invited us to play four-square.  One of my friends began bringing a pocket dictionary to school so that we could play at recess without causing a problem, but it didn’t have as many words, and it didn’t have a lot of the better words. For a quick fix, it was okay.

I loved junior high English. It fed my need for words and gave me new and exciting ways to explore language. We got to make posters for our vocabulary assignments, or we could look up “challenge” words for extra credit. We were encouraged to explore words in new ways, and I used to tell people I wanted to be an etymologist. Of course, most of my friends would reply, “You don’t even like bugs.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

For many years, I hid my nerdiness from others. I couldn’t have survived high school otherwise. I denied knowing the Greek or Latin root of a word, alternate definitions, or even what part of speech it was. But secretly, I kept a dictionary close at hand. “For homework,” I would tell people. But always, I was feeding my habit.

Today, I am pleased to be able to admit my word nerdiness publicly. I no longer worry that others will find me odd or that I will somehow stick out in society.  True, my family won’t play Scrabble with me, but I have an ap for that! My vocabulary isn’t pompous or pretentious because I don’t let it be. I don’t need to try to impress anyone.  I’ve got my degrees, I do my writing, and I beat the Scrabble ap enough to feel confident in my language skills without flaunting them. I miss the days in the library, though, with musty-smelling paper and stiff bindings that crackle as you flip the big dictionary open to the page of your choice.  Anyone wanna play?

 

 

 

 

2011
10/19
CATEGORY
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creativity
English
Personally
writing
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