My husband and son made the decision yesterday that it was time to call my son’s biological mother and let her know about his desire to have me adopt him. The conversation was, in a word, bizarre. My husband began by telling her that he had serious matter he was calling about pertaining to my son. Her first comment was “Is he dead?”
She didn’t sound concerned so much as she sounded defiant, like she somehow knew that he would be harmed or killed in our care. Of course, she’s a bit of a drama queen, too. My husband assured her that, no, our son was fine and that wasn’t why he was calling. While this isn’t verbatim, his next carefully selected words were basically, “He’s given a lot of thought to this, and he’s decided that he wants Kim to adopt him.”
We were prepared for just about anything, except for what we got. First she let out an almost maniacal laugh. Then she said, “Well, I’m not changing my last name.” Yes, she still has my husband’s last name, despite having remarried and divorced, and despite having another child with another man with whom she lives. Her primary concern was not the desire of her child to be legally adopted by someone she readily admits to hating, her focus was instead on being able to hold onto something that she thinks is going to keep her connected to her first husband for eternity. Whether she keeps his name to annoy him or because she thinks it bothers me, I’m not sure, but she is wrong on both counts.
After a short pause she added, “I want a notarized letter from him.”
“That’s fine,” my husband said. “There are some papers that you’ll need to sign.”
“Fine,” she said, obviously in a hurry to hang up.
“We need the address to send them to,” my husband added.
“He has it,” she said, then she hung up.
My son looked at each of us, a rather stunned expression on his face. “I don’t have her address,” he said.
We all started laughing.
After the onslaught of anger and accusations that we had experienced when my oldest daughter made this same choice a few years ago, we were braced for just about anything except for this. It left us all feeling slightly off-balance, but pleasantly surprised. It appears that this will be easier than the last time, but of course, appearances can be deceiving. One never knows with this woman. Her particular mental health issues mean that there may yet be a storm to be weathered.
But I am so very proud of my son. He was ready to stand firm against her potential anger, and he knows that it may yet be directed his way. He hugs me more these days, and tells me constantly that he is excited for this new step. I am so excited, too.