In recent months I have felt like I was groping around in the dark for a light switch. occasionally the glimmer of distant lights would provide a meager illumination, but never enough to truly see what I needed to find.
Things are changing. Again.
The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus said that change is a constant state of human existence. He developed the idea that one cannot step into the same river twice; change so floods our universe that we often barely notice it. Some changes, though, beat us over the head with their presence. In the past year, I’ve felt pretty beaten up by change, but I think things have finally found a flow. The river is constantly changing, but at least I know where I’ve stuck my feet.
I changed jobs – again – though I haven’t moved to a different employer. This job allows me more flexibility with my time. It gives me stability, a little more pay, and a more traditional schedule. It gives more time to write.
Because I once again have the time to focus on my soul, I’m making other changes as well. I’m going back to my critique group, whom I’ve missed terribly. Their input bolsters me, and it gives me the necessary push to make my writing more polished. I’ve renewed my search for an agent – something I’d sworn off of doing for quite some time. While I’ve collected two rejections so far, the third agent is appearing to be more promising. And I have recommitted to regular writing time. I’ve got scheduled days and times that I have designated to my family – and to myself – as sacred time, soul time.
I’ve been trying to so hard in the past year to resist change that I forgot about the river. I can’t stop change, so I am relearning how to love it, how to wade into it, and how to appreciate what it gives me. The river I’ve stood in for so long has dried up, and I’m moving on into a different river. This one nourishes. This one quenches. This one comforts. And it changes all the time. I like this river.