No – not “In THE Mood” by Glenn Miller – though I love the big band era, and Miller in particular. I’m in A mood. Very different. Not the same at all.
Blame it on being tired – although that seems to be a chronic state of existence for me these days.
Blame it on being subjected to 80’s music five days a week while I sit in my cubicle at work (certainly bound to make even the most tolerant soul go crazy over time).
Blame it on my back being obnoxiously uncooperative. It’s hard to sleep, hard to sit, hard to get up out of a chair, hard to find a comfortable position at all. I’ve maxed out on nsaid pain killers, and I’m seriously considering something a bit more hard-core – hydrocodone, tequilla, or perhaps a combination (just kidding, Doctor B! I wouldn’t!).
Blame the Obama administration and this ridiculous health care legislation (really – I’m as liberal as they get, except on certain issues and this is one of them).
Blame it on the fact it’s finals week here on campus and students are going insane because they are freaked out and tired.
Whatever the reason, I’m in a mood.
Let me give you an example:
There are certain people who – even at the best of times – annoy the ju-ju-bees out of me. This is not the best of times. One such person happens to work with me, and has asked for my help with writing on occasion. The on occasion thing has turned into more and more frequent requests. Now I wonder if this individual can even write a sentence without asking for guidance. Today I simply had to say I didn’t have time to help with this person’s final paper. The truth is, I did have the time, but I knew I would say something I shouldn’t, so it was just best to keep my distance and offer help later on.
I’m crabby. I’m full-on cranky. I’m bordering on bitchy, but I’m not quite there yet.
I don’t like being cranky. I do a lot of things in an effort to avoid being cranky, but sometimes the cranky wins and I just have to ride it out. Positive affirmations don’t work at the moment, nor does locking myself in a room with a box of Girl Scout cookies (although I’d like to keep trying this one if I could afford it). Naps help, but those are hard to get away with in the middle of my work day. I would really like to have a blender at my desk so I could make margaritas when I need a little chilling out, but again, tough to pull off in a professional environment.
I do have a mini foam dart gun that I can shoot at things: coworkers, my computer, pictures of people I don’t like. That helps some, but the effects are never strong enough, nor are they long-lasting enough.
If I could actually shoot them at the real people, I might get some measure of relief, but I’m sure that would be too short-lived also.
I know that working out would help my back, but it hurts my back to work out. ARGH! A massage would be great, but my favorite massage therapist is on vacation for two weeks (I called this morning), so I have to wait. I know for a fact that I lifted some weights the wrong way and that’s how I hurt my back, so I’m a bit reluctant to work out without my trainer and he’s unavailable this week.
The worst part about feeling like this is that it is very hard to write when I feel crabby. I don’t like the way things sound, and even though I know I should be working on stories, I just can’t do it. I know I’ll wind up rewriting everything later when I feel better, so I just avoid getting any progress made at all. It’s very frustrating, and the not writing makes me feel even more crabby. Talk about a catch-22.
The good news is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finals will be over in four days, things will start to settle down, and I will treat myself to a margarita or a glass of wine when I get home and at least my evening will be a little better. That should help my back as well (liquid relaxation).
For now, I just have to take a lot of deep breaths, try some self-relaxation techniques, and trust that I’m making the right decisions and that everything will work out the way it needs to.
I think I’ll go fill up the blender now.